We Moved from America to Sweden to Have a Child
While more and more Americans talk about moving abroad due to the constant vitriol of Trump 2.0, my husband and I actually did so 5 years ago.
Today, we submitted our applications for Swedish citizenship, and this process has made me reflect on our motivations for moving. We were tired of the grind of our jobs and looking for a change, but, more importantly, we knew we wanted to start a family. In order to do that, we needed to live in a place where we could support and raise a young child.
My husband and I are not close with our families. We have our chosen family, but these amazing friends are scattered around the country from New York to California. It’s not feasible for us to rely on biological or chosen family for support and childcare as many others do when they become parents, so we needed to find another way.
My husband and I have good jobs. We could earn enough to afford daycare in the U.S., but we didn’t want to miss our child’s early life by working long hours in order to afford childcare. We wanted to raise them ourselves and actually enjoy being parents.
One of the places where it seems people can still have a career and a family is Sweden.
Sweden - like all of the Nordics - have developed policies over decades to create social services that make daycare, healthcare, schooling, and activities for children free or affordable. These services come at the price of high taxes. My husband and I each pay about 50% of our salaries in taxes, but unlike the U.S., where taxes only seem to fund the insatiable American military-industrial complex, taxes in Sweden actually pay for things you and your children will use, like parental leave.
We needed to live in a place where we could afford to have children and be able to raise them at the same time, and my husband and I are not alone in thinking this way.
A recent report by the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA), surveyed people from South Korea, Thailand, Italy, Hungary, Germany, Sweden, Brazil, Mexico, U.S., India, Indonesia, Morocco, South Africa, and Nigeria and found that 39% have financial limitations preventing them from having a child.
The highest response in terms of financial barriers was in Korea (58%), and the lowest was in Sweden (19%).
While 19% is still high, Sweden has the the lowest barrier of any country surveyed in terms of affording children, and there are certain things that Sweden does to make being a parent more feasible:
Parental leave: Parents (straight, gay, single) have a combined total of 480 days of leave, which can be taken up to the child turns 12 years old. While the state subsidizes this, companies offer a ‘top up’ so you can afford to actually take these days off. My husband and I will have about 80% of our regular income during our parental leave through a combination of state and company support.
Lattepappa: This is the term for a dad on parental leave in Sweden, literally meaning ‘latte dad’ as they are often hanging out at coffee shops with their newborns. This showcases how it is culturally acceptable and encouraged to take time off as a new parent - mother and father - in a way that it is not in the U.S.
Daycare: All children are eligible for full time daycare at 1 year old, and the cost is income based. The amount my husband and I will pay - which is the max amount that can be charged - is about 2,000 SEK (or 200 USD) a month. This is about 10 times less than the cost my friends are paying in the U.S.
Perks for Kids: Sweden is built for children in that there are free playgrounds in malls, free or discounted museum passes, affordable club sports, and even free train rides to the airport. These things allow parents to do more with their kids for less money.
This last point is something that also came up in the UNFPA report. One respondent from India stated that the expectations of parents today are different from when she was growing up:
"We just used to go to school, nothing extracurricular, but now you have to send your kid to swimming, you have to send them to drawing, you have to see what else they can do."
This is an interesting comment, and begs the question: Are we expecting too much of parents in terms of scheduling activities for their kids?
Should we let kids be kids and play, explore, and (*gasp*) navigate boredom? This could actually bolster individuality and creativity as kids try and find out what they like on their own. Kids have their whole adult lives to be overscheduled, busy, and stressed. Do they have to start this so young, and do we have to pressure parents into thinking they have to do this for their kids to be ‘successful?’
Don’t get me wrong, some activities are good to have, and the point from the report is that countries need to make these activities more accessible and less expensive for parents to be able to afford kids. This is something that Sweden does in terms of offering discounts and perks as mentioned above for kids to explore their world. I believe countries need to make kids activities more affordable, and societies need to take the pressure off both the parents and kids in terms of scheduling activities.
Even before our child is old enough for daycare and extracurricular activities, my husband and I still need the financial support and time to learn to be parents. We need that year of being home together, as we won’t have parents or relatives showing us how to do everything. We also want the security that if at any point in our child’s life we decide to change jobs or if I pursue BabyMoon Family full time before it becomes profitable, we can all still have good healthcare. In the U.S., healthcare for working people is always tied to full time employment and leaves little room for entrepreneurship or part time work for parents.
Sweden allows us this flexibility. True, our salaries are half what we would make in the U.S., but all that extra money in the U.S. means less time and more services that we have to pay for in order to even have a child. All the extra money in the U.S. would get used up anyway, and we are left with stress, anxiety, and a feeling like we are not there for our child.
Sweden also emphasizes that both parents should work. In fact, the salaries are so much lower that it’s hard to afford life with only one working parent. As compared to the U.S., where one parent often stops working to take care of the children, Sweden supports parents through social services so they both can work.
I think this improves mental health for parents in Sweden, as it allows them to continue with their careers and feel like a professional success while they are also a parent. I don’t think it’s healthy to ‘live only for your children.’ Parents need to have a life too. Also, kids can observe how important and fulfilling a career can be from both their parents.
Don’t get me wrong, Sweden is not perfect. While aspects for childcare are affordable, there are many things that are very expensive, including restaurants, gasoline, deliveries, and real estate (in the bigger cities) just to name a few. The job market is extremely limited compared to the U.S., and the salaries are 50% to 70% less. Also, integrating, learning Swedish, and making friends has been and continues to be an ongoing struggle.
However, we have made a home here, and we want to start our family here. Sweden makes that possible, and it will greatly support us as new parents through the newborn and early years.
I think our situation and the UNFPA report highlight a key issue with the demographic crisis facing the world: Kids are too expensive and stressful for people all over the world.
People need and want more support from their governments so they don’t have to be millionaires with a large, supportive family in order to even contemplate having children. While Sweden and the Nordic countries have birth rates that are lower than the U.S., I don’t think this metric tells the whole story about what it is like to be a parent or the future trends in countries like the U.S. where childcare is more inaccessible and unaffordable than ever. I think my husband and I are trendsetters in this regard, and I believe more young people will look to the system in Sweden as a more viable path for parenthood in the future.
Having a family shouldn’t be a luxury.
A family should be a completely doable part of life for any hardworking person or people who want to become parents. I’m so grateful to have the opportunity to become a Swedish citizen and enjoy becoming a parent in a country that truly values parenthood.
